| Memorial day, 09.
I'm thrilled about my house, right now. The rest of my life is, meh..
It's been a fun week because we went to dinner with leia and grant this wed and apparently leia kept second guessing carters results on the Meyer's Briggs results. After dinner, carter decided she was so offended by this that we couldn't see Leia for a week. I was sooo respectful of this, even though I find that completely ridiculous. I figured it be best to keep my mouth shut and let her be.
It started with mostly a nice weekend with Carter. She agreed to help me with the house this weekend and she was sweet when it came to that day she walked into the bathroom and said, "Ugh, this is filthy!" So she took my credit card and went to wal-mart to get supplies. She tried to not take my card but I talked her into it. I caulked the tub and used my fingers to wipe it and got this disgusting glob of hair stuck on my hand with the caulk and UGH so f-ing gross. Just then, she shows up with lunch.
But she got the cleaning supplies and the bleach broke on the way, so she went back to return it. By the time she got back, she had enough time to spray the tub and leave for nannying. It was certainly a help for her to do those chores for me but that says something.
We met after nannying and stayed in. I picked up some dinner from whole foods and we sat by the pool. It's key to point out that when I went to whole foods, i wasn't sure if she wanted anything so i didn't get her anything (she told me she was hungry but to go ahead an eat). I don't see either of us treating each other with that kind of caring love. Like we see eachothers condition, but won't do too much to be inconvenienced by it.
I spent the night, and didn't feel like sex in the morning because i didn't get enough to eat the night before and feeling guilty about bailing on my parents this weekend. She did feel like sex. So, she took me out to breakfast at Kaldi's. We had a nice little picnic in the park next to Kaldi's and she took me back to my place where i'd left my car. I got to work and she went off to the gym with becca. Afterwards, she called and asked if I wanted to go look at a garage sale becca's friend was having. It bothered me because I've already expressed to her how limited my time is on working on the house, yet she doesn't see that this would be an inconvenience to me. Nevertheless, i figured a break would be nice and agreed to it. She was late, I was late, we took our time getting there and when we did, i found i had gone all the way to the girls so we could drive together all the way back to this guys house that was right next to mine. Wasted valuable time for me. I bought two lamps and carter agreed to write a check for me. She discounted me the 20$ she owed me from a tip i left her brother on fri. Also, as we were leaving, she mentioned it would be easiest to drop me off at my place and she would bring my car by later. These two things she did were really sweet (though i don't see how the latter makes much sense). I forgot my phone in the girls car and carter was cool about it. I worked away and she met me with my car later. We went to grants party, and on the way home, it was raining. I kicked the back end out a little and she got a little scared and upset with me (OK so when you do that, I'm not expecting it so my heart rate goes up and i start to panic and I can't get my grip in time). She mentioned that we should go by her old house, which sounded nice. We went to her house and I headed back to Olive and she stopped me. "You're going back to olive you actually want to go back the other way to save time. I'm going to take us by my parents house to avoid stoplights." Her shortcut probably took us 10 minutes out of our way. I said nothing.
Dana was bossy. She's not bossy, she just wants to feel like she's helping. But most of the time her suggestions are not helpful.
We got home and neither of us had eaten dinner. She made me a masala burger which was delicious. While I was eating, i noticed she had "spinish" on her grocery list. Aww, how cute. "looks like we're going to have to send you back to school." I kept eating. I looked back over and noticed "assist" on her list too. "Ass ist? Is that like a proctologist?" She said she would get offended if i kept making fun of her. I was silent for a few moments, and i asked politely, "OK, i am not making fun of you, i honestly am interested in knowing if this is a product or a spelling mistake. Is enchaltitas something specifically at trader joes." She was instantly offended. She slammed the refrigerator door and said "Ok, you can leave." as she walked out.
We had a long talk. She explained that she had delusional dyslexia (or something like that). I was skeptical, but listened. I explained my interest in understanding about the disorder. I listened and asked a lot of questions and she got even more pissed. She said she felt like she was being interrogated. This time, i told her it was ridiculous that she was getting offended. I was purely asking about the disease so I could understand it. I explained my case on these kinds of learning disorders and early diagnosis and my feelings of people exploiting these ridiculous disorders and how I had no interest with someone who makes excuses for herself like that.
As I'm typing this, I'm reading my spelling mistakes and wondering if i am just not putting myself in her shoes enough. Maybe I am too insensitive on some things and too sensitive on others. I think i need to go take control of this. | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| So I've put a contracts down on ... lets see here:
5160 Rosa (closed July 10th, 2008 for 85k)
5015 Murdoch (closed August 15th, 2008 for 104k)
5340 Delor (closed November 20th, 2008 for 124k)
7355 Arlington (Josh!!! closed on this on February 20th[??] for 86k)
647 Cascade Lake Dr (Sold on Feb 24th for 178k)
6635 Dale Ave (Sold in ??? for prob around 110K)
7126 Kensington (Sold March 4th for prob 45k)
And (drumroll)
2218 Yale Ave (soon to be sold April 28th, 2008 for 72k)
That's June 08 to April 09 (close on the 28th). I am very excited. Very, very excited. It's going to be weird being on my own again, but it's been crucial for me to be at home with my family for this time. Emotionally even greater so than fiscally. It's not much, but I hope to have it paid off in two years. And, considering I didn't vote for him, it's awful nice of President Obama to give me $8,000 for 2218 Yale. I'll spend 7 of those 8000 to buy a domain, 2218yale.com.
So I'm trying to cheris the last time I'll get to spend living with my parents and it's wonderful. I have such amazing parents to treat me so kind. And they really enjoy spending time with me. They are such a unique couple, and I can see traces of it in my relationship with Carter. Maybe i'm insisting on this subliminally:
The president is addressing some questions post speaking. His blasé response to some reporter's question elicts a positive reaction out of my dad. I'm sitting between the two, Dad on my right and mom on my left. I glance to my right and my dad is raising his eyebrows and giving me the dad thumbs up of approval. In perfect comedic timing, I turn my head JUST in time to catch my moms glare prior.
That is like the perfect metaphor for my mom and dad. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| What the hell is wrong with me. I'm not even in school anymore. This is the second time in 6 months that i've had a strong inclination to look into software engineering. This time, i'm interested because it's creative, lucrative, not as routine (as far as daily schedule) and generally intruiging. I see a GUI like the one in a BMW iDrive system and wonder how they integrated everything. I'd like to refine certain sytems and process to make it more customizable and friendly to specific end users. Maybe that would be useful.
I think i ended up looking past all of this last time i was interested because i considered all of the software piracy that goes on today. Also, with the way that technology is growing, i wouldn't be surprised if the gap between highly educated/skilled software engineers and the avg end user is essentially eliminated over the course of my life. I mean, being a skilled software engineer would be pointless if there were no real valueable application for it. Maybe the next few generations will be so familiar with whats going on that there might not even be a need for experts. When i reread that, i almost wonder if that's even a valid concern. I guess i'm just wondering if right now, are we amidst a temporary boom and if i go into this, will i be jumping into a sinking ship?
I dunno. Watch; I'll probably change my mind again in two days. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i opened up to somne very old acquantainces (and now new freinds...)
some parts of the night made me really reflect on my life
i feel like Some people get sioooooo lost on a journety to love...
and on my way back to west co, i decided to steal a road sign
It was snowing the whole time. my little lexus toolkit wrench was not as helpful as i'd hoped..
but i left the sign in my trunk..
but beyond all means, It was very much a 'REAL' night.. one of those nights that will change my life im sure of it...
i will never forget this night. regardless of the intoxication-ness..
I was just thinking about this wonderful girl i met before leaving auburn... like a total sweetheart
tonight made me wish that i had someone here to come home and share it all with
better yet, it made me wish i had someone there to experience it with ! someone to come home with
well
whoever you are... hurry up :( | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Nelly ft. Stephen Marley and Murph Lee - River don't Runnn | | Time: | 02:59 am |
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| i was having a really difficult time in int. microecon.. So, of course I took all the help i could get.
and it wound out like this:
monday night review with probably the smartest guy in the class..
and tuesday.. the most beautiful girl in this class, whom i knew of all semester, but never imagined talking to..
she tutored me this morning!!
Needless to say, the exam went fantastic. And I didn't sleep last night so afterwards, i came home and napped.
We grabbed dinner at buffalo wild wings then headed out to bourbon street and skybar.
ran into a whole lot of random people.. the bars were pretty shitty but i still enjoyed it
then, around 2am, we wound up in the library..
buuuuut rather a backpack full of books, we were toting drinks.
then finally celebrated the greatly anticipated ending to a very long semester.
and now for my next trick, watch me catch up on a whole lot of sleep
ALSO- i just want to add. certain affinity brings me back to a place i haven't been in a very long time.. a place that ive inherently missed | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | kaskade - steppin out (sa club mix) | | Time: | 05:05 am |
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| sexual frustration right now is like !!!! huge problem!!!
Like, I ran into a girl that i like at a club/skybar tonight
she kissed me as she was leaving. and it made me happy
she walked away and then all of the sudden some not so pretty girl that was standing next to us the whole time just totally grabbed me and kissed me and licked my ear and then walked away as if nothing happened.
This aslo made me happy
________why? pfft i dunno
then, a new friend asked me to be an accompliss on a mission to pick up two girls and i totally blew it..
Like miserable, down in flames, total akward, lets slowly move away from eachother and roll our eyes as we take a drink and walk away
BUT i do regress, it wasn't entirely my fault. She had her moments. like at one point she apologized for graduating Vestavia HS in 2003(??)
i was being nice because i felt sorry for her uncomfortablness. umm ok ? Sorry for being born before you?
We raced from the stoplights tonight.. as we traveled from one rendezvous to the next..
It really took me back
i have a feeling, after graduation next semester, were gonna see a replay of august '02
"Cell phone" picture of the evening:
Will and my CARDS hat | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Lately I've been finding myself even more and more confused about the future. Its almost as if the future becomes less certain as i get closer to graduation. Well, thats not entirely true, 2002 was forever ago (literally too). But this weekend when Josh asked me what I could see myself doing when I grow up, it quickly turned into a violent argument. I mean, what couldn't i see myself doing? Attorney? entrepreneur? Homeless person? i feel like in todays ADHD world, everyone i know is on the fast track to twenty-something. I could see myself blowing it all. I could see myself wondering for the rest of my life about what i want to do with the rest of my life. I mean I want a career thats genuinely rewarding, but with wealth, and status. I love being known. Known enough to be understood.. without having to prove myself. I need a career/title that will eliminate the need for said dirty work.
And I need money. I wanna say its not important but high school was over a loooong time ago. Squeezing by on maxed out credit cards leaves me with a very unfamiliar feeling. We never knew what it was like to worry about money growing up, im certain this isn't something i would like to get used to.
And time. I need time. Time for me. Time for the people wanting to invade my me time (and rightly so because i will love these people). so i need some damn recreation. But wealthy businesspeople and 120$/HR Attourneys can't afford recreation, can they?
Probably most important, inventiveness, because thats what really makes who i am.. I mean please just give me a solutionless problem to solve and let me make it happen. i say i hate it but it always pays off in the end, and generously. So I need a career that moves marginally faster that i do. i need independence, and room to grow. But I need routine, not monotony. I need wisdom not boredom. I want a career that intertwines with my personal life, like a job working with music. Someone told me on thanksgiving, "..Find a job that you want to think about after 5pm"
gotta be origional. I will never own/drive a ford taurus. not even a rental.
I wanna know i'm doing something that makes this world a better place to live in. Which i guess is really impossible because that can get so opinionated so fast. But i really do admire humanitarian ideals, despite my fits of selfish iscolation...
i guess this is the last thing. but really its like a million more things. i need a sense of community. I need to belong to something
Now.. as far as finding my niche in this madness.. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | JM - Neon | | Time: | 05:03 am |
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| Am i a very critical person? I know im sarcastic but do i belittle people? If you and i are friends, do i make you feel bad about yourself when im around?
I ask because I have been spending some time with a number of friends that tend to be extremely critical of everything i do (joking or whatever.. its belittling and feels entirely undeserved). I like certain people, but it almost feels like there is a sense of unnecessary competitiveness with some of them? Maybe its possible that these people think highly of me and assign unrealistic standards to my character. But I'm not very familiar with friends challenging each others identity.. it almost defeats the purpose of even knowing these people | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Doboy - Vocal Edition 14 | | Subject: | Exausted.. | | Time: | 02:57 am |
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| All i want to do is sleep.
I'm restless. When i lay down all i can do is wonder about what teachers i'm going to get to write my rec letters for grad school. and the GMAT. and how much time will i have to intern this winter break. and girls. sex. ... Better yet, what if i were Kenny Irons? What if i could do something so well that i would instantly earn the respect of thousands? What if i was a part of something that meant everything to me?
I dont get it. this last week i was fine. i was relaxed, i was comfortable. ok, i mean im sure it was just probably some sort of denial portrait of reality.. but the thing is i have nothing i want, and i want nothing i have. but i have everything i need. so whats wrong with this picture? What is missing? why cant i just fucking sleep and be contempt with this androgynous existance !!!!!!!!!! WHY AM I LOOKING UP NEW CELL PHONES and CLOTHING and why do i find myself looking at facebook profiles and pictures of old friends...
I still think about her.. but not "her" her, i just like to think about what she used to mean to me. that one. it was her i was supposed to be with. she was supposed to open my eyes to everything i take for granted. But.. and this is what keeps me awake.. if she doesn't exist anymore, am i destined to a life of blindness?
I really need to rest. sleepless thursdays are dangerous this semester. but four hours is enough, so i'd better lay back down and fall asleep QUICK | | comments: 9 comments or Leave a comment |
| I can't find my damn phone. I lost it in Atlanta. Whiiiiich is like a bigger city than St. Louis... Its gonna be a while until it pops up.
So until then,
invincible.
I've made progress. I've been socializing with everyone and I feel like my brother. Its really a paradox, being friendly with everyone you encounter but never really trusting any of them. Last night, were at this underground club talking to these three graduate students in graphic design. And one of these girls is really opening up to me. Yea like, i'm drunk and really listening to this girl tell me about her experiences in the real world with just a bachelors degree in advertising and how she misses her childhood in miami. Well like 45-minutes into the conversation, after i'd already mentioned us coming up from auburn for John's 21st birthday, shes like, "You guys should go check out bulldogs! Its has more of a college-type atmosphere.. You guys would probably like that more and plus they've got much better music." I guess it's possible that she noticed i was with 3 other guys and misunderstood my sexual orientation. Maybe there were some biases associated with this underground club we were at, i mean I just dunno. But ummm Bulldogs is like the biggest gay bar in atlanta. I found this out later when a car full of laughing college kids pulled up to us at a red light and told us to go to bulldogs. I turn around and clints reaction is like, ya fuck that. Even if she thought i was gay though, it feels pretty cheap to be friendly with someone and get that kind of response. Whatever, doesn't phase me, just kinda pissed me off. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| There's this guy in my strategic management group. His name is Ryan [Ryan Musick, Liz]. Anyways, this guy is the most talkative person in the world. I mean honestly, i could imagine if you put him in a room with 27 nazi's from the year 1940 ryan would find something to talk about.
At first this was ridiculously annoying.... aaaaaand now its just ridiculously annoying. But i totally love it because theres really no person that can feel uncomfortable talking to him. It kinda leaves him vulnerable, i mean in the sense that the more people know about you the more they can use it against you, but he seems like a fun person to have around. He's always talking about how many kegs he's gonna have at the next party and how he floated his nextel phone down a river and it still worked the next day.. i mean its never a dull moment.
I've been thinking a lot lately about my position right now. I mean I'm loving auburn more everyday and my minutes are slipping away. More specifically, I'm at a point in my life where I just want to have a blast. I want to meet all sorts of interesting people and i want to taste the motherfucking rainbow. I worry about wasting away my time here at this university, and then i worry about wasting my life away. Kind like how I'll worry about paying off debt and then i'll worry that i'll never come out of it. I'm sure theres a name for this disorder. Like the people-who-have-everything-they-need-but-still-somehow-create-a-wide-assortment-of-non-existant-problems-for-themselves disorder. Two or three of my close friends take anxiety medicine for the kind of problem i am having. they offer it to me but i can't imagine swalowing something to drown out the chaos that is my mind. Sometimes it gets pretty bad though. Like sometimes i'll start ti starve myself with a kitchen full of food. And i also find myself doing stupid things like waking up in the middle of the night and panicing that i forgot to take out the trash, then getting dressed and finding that i took out the trash before going to bed. I have the ability to control the severity of this anxiety, but i'm just not sure how i can organize such discipline.
Anyways, im not sure why i brought ryan up in this post, other than i wish i shared the same sort of social loafing behaviors as he does. But i think his attitude in this sense is justified, as it means he automatically approves of not only himself, but also everyone around him. Pretty crazy huh? I most certainly do not envy this guy, but he's part of a huge group of people who start up random convorsations. Really, it must be nice to be able to trust every other human being on this planet in the way that you trust yourself. | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | DJ Doboy - Trancequility Vol. 31 | | Time: | 10:40 pm |
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| Cell phone picture of the evening:
look.. im sorry. i almost didn't.. but what if carlos mencia is googling for a new dee de dee picture haha | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Paul Wall - People's Champ | | Time: | 11:57 am |
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| | ugh. i wish i'd never have to go to another random keg party. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Paul Wall - Sitting Sideways | | Subject: | It works!! | | Time: | 01:43 am |
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| Cell phone picture of the evening:
Blake and the rest of the crazy people who wake up at 8am to paint themselves | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| Fantastic time tonight. Ian got so drunk that we couldn't keep him under control. I had to turn on the child safety locks on the rear doors and lock the windows. It literally took us 15 minutes to get him in the car. i started getting phone calls like "where the fuck are you? were waiting at the entrance and the cops just pulled up??" meanwhile dealing with Ian in the backseat whom is plotting his escape and throwing candy at me.
BUT here's the bad news, my wonderful new camera phone hasn't worked for a week and its probably gonna be going away for a little while. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| yea so i went to eat lunch at Will's school the other day. I'm sitting at a really looong table in the cafateria surrounded by like eight to the power of one thousand 7-year olds when i feel something on my shoulder. I turn around and look down at this little girl exclaiming in this cute little high pitched squeal "i can spell your name!!!!!! J-A-N!!!!" So i pointed and laughed. When correcting her, I said "O instead of an A" and her response was, "O? ..OHHHhhhhh! Like Oprah.. ill call you Oprah."
lol. i was like "whatever dumb dummy stupid face"
And i've got a ticket for this weekend and about 1,000,000 partys to check out and fuck if i know what i want to be. I thought about Tyler Durden but where the hell am i going to find a brown leather jacket in 3 days?? Also, I dunno what the hell i'm going ot do about all this crap i've bought over the past 3 months. I've got this massive credit card bill looming over my head and i feel provoked to just throw everything up on ebay and use the tablet as my stereo. That way I could have navigation and iTunes now but at the expense of having the whole thing functioning realllllllly slowlllllyyyyyyy. hrrrmmmmmm...decisions decisions | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| dear girls,
why must you make this a living hell? seriously, just wanna MAKE OUT with a cute girl. Should it not be extremely depressing that i can't even find this?? whatever | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| everytime i do this i feel like my emotions are like really amplified,
which is pretty weird but ok.
The suspension is done. It rides AWESEOME but the camber is still really fucked up. Everytime i go over freshly painted asphalt or pavement my front tires SQUEEEEEEL like they're being spanked by ben afleck after a baseball game. And its totally weird to drive it like this because i get all paranoid that somethings going to go wrong or some cop is going to see me laying tread marks in a striaght line and pull me over and then notice my eyes and then arrest me and ruin my life and i will never get a job because of that and then my life will be ruined. Cause.. there's always thaaattttttttt..
Lol. Alright, time for the weekend. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Cell phone picture of the evening:
c-zone behind the stadium installing suspension @ 2am | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
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